18 Sept 2017

Session 23 – River, Mountain, Temple

6th Day of the 4th Quarter of the Moon of Songs, Season of Wines, Year 766.

Days in Barovia: 9. The moon waxes gibbous.


Off the Beaten Path

Dickie lead their way out of Berez, following the path of the Luna River. The flies dissipated, and the earth grew more solid as the Bullingdon Boys come into the shadow of the mountain and leave the swamp of Berez. The grey clouds roiling above finally broke in a thick sleet, swelling the river. Further south the sleet turned to snow, thick and wet and cold. Mount Ghakis rose to the east, a sheer wall rising from the other side of the river into the leaden sky.

There was no beaten trail. At times, the mud and wet rocks across the western shore threaten to send them into the river below; sometimes thick brush or impassable stone impeded them, forcing backtracks, but Dickie always found a passable route.

At one point the Bully Boys had to push up against a rock face, shimmying along twenty feet above the river rushing below. A few pebbles came clattering from the lip of the bank above, and as he looked up Dickie saw a flash of white and black: a white face and a cloak? And then the earth and stone above them came loose.

Paris fell screaming into the river below as his companions hung on to the cliff face. The breath went out of him as he struck the freezing water, managing to cry “I can’t swi-“ before water filled his mouth as he was swept away by the strong current.

Without hesitating, Cornelius threw off his jacket and dove gracefully into the water after his employee; Dickie fixed his grapnel to the rock face and began to ascend down, while Clarence simply held on, watching. From just above the water, Dickie turned with a hand outstretched to see two bobbing headings being carried further off.

Cornelius was thrown off by the current as he struck the river but managed to right himself, pushing his head above water, and catching sight of Paris not far ahead of him he raised his holy symbol up high. Divine energy flowed from him and the waters parted: A man-sized trench forming a path from Paris, to him, to the shore. For a moment, Paris flailed as he fell onto clear riverbed, but quickly scrambled as Cornelius called to him.

The elder Bullingdon reached the shore first, a narrow beach of pebble, and turned reaching for Paris who clasped his hand just as the river remembered to flow and smashed into his flank, almost buffeting him free but he hung on and Cornelius hauled him free. Paris, soaking, frozen, collapsed on top of his employer, shivering; and after a long moment, rolled off.

“Dickie!” Cornelius called upriver, to where Dickie was progressing towards them, “Dickie, bring me a towel! Clarence! Who threw those rocks at us?”

From where he clung to the cliff his brother replied, “Whoever it was, they haven’t shown their face.”

“Someone threw the rocks?” Paris sputtered.

“Seems that way,” Dickie said as he approached Cornelius with a towel, “pale feller, black cloak.”

“Clarence?” Clarence had, however, been on the cliff face when Dickie saw whoever he saw above.

Paris, shivering, dried and warmed himself by waving his wand over his head. Cornelius was unaffected by the cold- in fact, wearing the ring he found at the Abbey, he felt a balmy warmth. But he was wet, so he had Dickie towel him off.

“Seems a pretty mild day to me,” Cornelius said, as snow fell around him.

Clarence shouted down from the cliff, his voice booming unnaturally, said he was going to investigate, and stepped off the cliff- stepped into the air, where he did not fall but hung as if suspended, his arms spread, his robe rippling in the wind.

“Ah, that’s one of mine,” Paris lied as Clarence demonstrated his new magical ability. “Very good, Clarence!”

“You should have done that instead of falling into the river, then, Paris,” Cornelius told him.

Cackling quietly, Clarence shot up, above the lip of the steep bank they had been traversing, over the desolate Barovian landscape where a few hundred yards back the forest ran parallel to the river. In the flurrying snow he saw nobody as he swept back and forth above the ground; only the few feet of collapsed cliff-edge indicated what had happened. He collected Dickie, keener eyed than he, flying him to the cliff top, but all Dickie could find were some footprints- with no tracks leading to, or from- and a faint hint of brimstone in the air.

It was, in the end, a mystery, and one they didn’t have enough information to solve. So they set off, south again, following the river. The next two hours went by without incident; a dull, hard slog across wild terrain, difficult even with Dickie’s guidance, even with the Beacon of Argynvost having lifted the fog.

Everything was wet, the river, the slick rock on the banks, the mud beyond, the sodden underbrush- the Bully Boys. They were cold and tired and aching, numb of body and mind, when the grey skies finally revealed the bridge: old black stone, high above them, spanning the gorge cut by the southbound river. A faint glimmer of orange came from one end of the structure On the eastern shore the mountain rose sheer above the level of the bridge, hundreds of feet higher on either side- the road must lead into a chasm in mount Ghakis. The western shore climbed less steeply, the rock face forming natural steps leading five hundred feet to the level with the bridge.

This was not going to be the stroll up the cliff face path in Krezk. There was no path here- it was a mountain face. At best, it would be a steep hike; likely they would have to scramble, and climb sections. It would be possible, but it would be hard. Dickie was a sure climber, and between them they had plenty of rope, and Cornelius was in peak physical condition; but Clarence and Paris had never been particularly athletic.

They roped themselves together- Dickie, to lead, Cornelius at the back, with Paris and Clarence between them- and began the ascent. Dickie began to flag. He had been navigating them from the swamp, leading the way for hours, finding the best path which meant finding all of the wrong paths first, while the others simply followed once he was sure. And the same was true here: first to test every handhold and foothold, the ones he failed on the others could avoid; then, whenever the weaker Paris or Clarence slipped or lost balance, it was Dickie who had to anchor himself and right them. He was exhausted.

Around half way up the face, as he heaved himself onto a narrow, outthrust ledge, Dickie heard a heavy snorting. Looking up he found himself face to face with an enormous goat, black furred and white faced, crowned with huge curled horns, a black rectangular pupil staring at him from one orange eyeball. As the others clambered up behind him, the goat snorted, one huge hoof pawing the ground.

“Oh look, a lovely goat,” said Cornelius, terrified of goats, his heart fluttering, “Well, let’s move on.” He furtively began to climb, up and away from the creature separated from him by his party. Clarence, adjacent, followed after him, flinging a blast of eldritch energy at the creature for good measure. “That’s what you get for throwing rocks at us!”

And the goat rammed Dickie. It hunched back then sprung towards the manservant, Dickie spun away, somehow keeping his feet while avoiding being gored, and being pushed into the mountain instead off flung off of it. Paris, suspecting this was some kind of magic goat given its unnatural size and attitude, attempted to nullify any enchantment upon it: he clicked his fingers and… “Ha!” Paris shouted, as the goat transformed into a man swathed in a black cloak with a featureless white mask upon his face. “I knew it!”

“Heh, heh,” the man laughed horribly as he stood, “polymorph!”

Dickie’s dagger was in his hand, the blade thick with black venom- it slammed into the masked mage’s side, who gasped then shuddered as the poison took. Cornelius, from his vantage point above, saw that the goat was gone- “Clarence! A badly dressed fiend is terrorizing our servants!” and he leapt from his perch, pulling Clarence down behind him.

Cornelius fell onto the assailant, clobbering him with his fists, and then there was a puff of smoke and a stink of brimstone and the masked mage was gone. Dickie caught a momentary flicker around the glowing light of the bridge, hundreds of feet above them, but through the falling snow he could make out no more.

“What a coward!” Paris exclaimed, disappointed, “too frightened to face the Bullingdon Boys?” He shook his fist in the air.

“He’s probably heard of our fearsome reputation,” Cornelius said, “now come on Dickie, let’s get back up this mountain.”


A Bridge Too Far

Exhausted, Dickie led the Bullingdon Boys on to where the ground levelled out, five hundred feet above the Luna river. They climbed without incident. As they reached the top, and an exhausted Dickie dragged his weary feet towards the road, Cornelius noticed something odd on the ground before his foremost servant’s feet.

“Dickie! Wait! There’s some sort of sigil on the rock there! Perhaps some other noble has tread this way?”

And he was correct: in the thin layer of snow on the ground a small pattern was traced out where the snow refused to fall, or was diverted, or melted as soon as it hit the ground.

Unsure was a ‘sigil’ was, Dickie came to a stop inches from the device and sat down heavily. Now Cornelius had pointed it out, Dickie could see the strange mark.

Clarence and Paris investigated the mark, which likely was some arcane glyph- indeed, Paris knew it, although Clarence was not sure.

“It looks something like the teleportation circle Victor was attempting to make, does it not? Perhaps he used this to escape the fire?”

“Ah, now Clarence, you’re very very close. But that’s not quite right. Just think a little harder for a second. What kind of spell might you use if you wanted to lay, say, an explosive trap?”

Clarence opened his mouth to reply, but Paris spoke over him- “No, wrong. It’s a Glyph of Warding.”

“Ah, well, now I remember,” and he did, for they had encountered a glyph of warding on the handle of the door to Victor Vallakovich’s attic workroom, under a sign saying “KEEP OUT”. Clarence had Dickie, and everyone else, move away, and summoned a spectral hand which poked the glyph.

A fountain of churned earth and stone erupted around the sigil, cascading out in a blast that would have not only bludgeoned and battered anyone caught in it, but likely thrown them back down the mountainside.

“So, that’s what a sigil is,” said Dicky from where he sat.

To the west, the road was blocked by a black stone fortification they would have had to pass had they come that way. To the east was the gorge, the Luna River far below, the gap spanned by the black stone bridge. At each end of the bridge stood thirty-foot tall stone arches, and the nearer one held beacons, glowing flames on the end of ropes dangling from the arch. As they drew close, the nature of the beacons became clear: bodies, each in unique costume, licked by flickering flame that did not burn them. There were four, corpses all.

One was held by a noose about its neck. Shirtless, head shaven, a crude moustache drawn on its face, it’s hands were painted red.

The second wore a servants garb, and “THIEF” was scrawled across its forehead.

The third, a woman’s corpse, had long, straw coloured hair; its face was garishly made up, and it wore a blue dress. A short wooden shaft had been skewered through one hand to dangle from the palm.

The final corpse had its hands nailed to its chest over a thick book. It’s face was enshrouded by the hood of the volumous black robe it wore.

“The woman is supposed to be you then, Paris?” Clarence said, catching on to the nature of these grim lanterns.

Paris was affronted. “What do you mean it’s supposed to be me? I don’t see any evidence that these are supposed to be anyone at all.”

“That one is Cornelius, that one is Dickie-“ Clarence pointed- “it’s got ‘thief’ scrawled on it, that one is clearly me- which only leaves one.”

“It’s just a coincidence!” Paris protested. “It’s probably meant to remind us of Ireena and make us regretful.” Ireena, Paris well knew, had raven-black hair and hadn’t regularly worn dresses. “You’re seeing things that aren’t there.”

“Much as I hate to say it, for once I think Clarence has a clearer grasp on reality than you do, Paris,” Dickie said.

“Thank you! Regardless, shall we cut them down and see if they hold anything of interest?” Clarence was particularly interested in the book.

“Dickie will handle that sort of thing,” designated Cornelius, “the rest of us deserve a well-earned rest after all that climbing!”

Dickie, dog-tired, glared daggers at his master. However, his facilities were not required as Clarence summoned his spectral hand to take a knife and saw through each rope in turn. The flaming corpses fell onto the bridge before them, where they continued to flame, releasing no smoke or heat: the wizards recognized this continual flame enchantment.

 “Someone is beginning to take our actions in Barovia very seriously,” said Dickie.

“What makes you say that?” Paris asked. Dickie sighed, then stepped over to kick the corpse he took to represent Paris… and a sound started over the wind, a delivered from lips of stone that formed in front of Dickie as he walked onto the bridge, a voice that was harsh and dripping with venom and altogether unfamiliar:

“Brothers two, of empty claim, their house long fallen silent
Come to save Barovia with bloody handed violence
Followed by two faithful dogs: while one is cutting purses
The other shows off parlour tricks and threatens empty curses

Claiming friendship, faith and trust, all lies while plotting treason
Unprovoked with fire and steel you slaughter without reason
Vengeful is the spirit that has risen from the ash
Heed this warning, Bully Boys: you can’t outrun the past.”

Paris paused. “I’ll admit that this is pushing on the personal.”

Clarence stared at the space where the magic mouth had been as his mind raced- who could have risen from the ash, with a personal grudge against the Bully Boys? “No, no, it can’t be… Him. No, I checked, I checked.”

“Care to share?” Dickie asked, looking at Clarence strangely.

“No- no, it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter.”

“That’s a tone that suggests its relevant and probably matters.”

Clarence looked around, and wilted under the gaze of Dickie, Paris and his brother. “He spoke of fire. And ash. The way that the Vallakovich house burnt down- it could not be Victor. It’s not Victor!”

“Victor died in the fire,” Paris said.

“Or was horribly disfigured by the flames, forcing him to wear a mask, then escaping through his circle of teleportation with an acrid smelling ‘poof’ and now seeking revenge upon us?” posited Dickie.

“You’re seeing patterns that aren’t there,” Paris insisted, “first me in a dress, now Victor back from the dead? It all seems incredibly farfetched.”

“All of the mysteries we’ve faced so far have been revealed sooner or later,” Cornelius said wisely. “There’s no point in us standing out here in the snow worrying about it. We should just head on, and we’ll find out what’s happening once we head up this mountain. Now, Dickie- put some coal in the fire and let’s carry on riding these rails! Bully bully bully!”

“Oi oi oi!” called Paris, but Dickie and Clarence didn’t join in- they were both still mulling over the thought of Victor Vallakovich, alive and out for revenge.

Clarence wanted to search the bodies, but found no valuables upon them; the book was a book of prayers that had been ruined by the weather and having bloody nails driven through it. Each appeared to have been slain in the same sinister fashion: no wounds upon them except for two pin-prick bite marks upon each neck.

Clarence drew a vial from within his robes, and tipped the contents- a murky green liquid and a fat worm- into the mouth of the shaven-headed, moustachioed corpse.

The corpse drew a shuddering, gasping breath. Its eyes flickered open, and met Clarence’s. It shuddered, and weakly, in a Barovian accent asked what was happening. 

“What happened to you?” Clarence asked.

“I don’t know… Where am I? What is this place? I was just walking home and then… Darkness… Please…”

“Did you see who killed you?”

“I was killed? But I never hurt anyone…”

Clarence stood, and stamped one foot on the ground in anger. “You mean you got no view whatsoever of whatever killed you?”

“No, I didn’t see… Who killed me?”

“Where were you from in life?”

“I was born in Vallki, I lived there my whole life. This isn’t Vallaki, is it? It’s so cold…”

“Vallaki’s all burned down now anyway,” Cornelius called over.

Clarence turned to his comrades. “Do we have any other questions we would ask this… Gentleman?”

“What is the last date you remember?” Cornelius asked the corpse.

“It was only a few more days to the full moon…” which, they surmised, would have been no more than two days prior.

But as the man answered the fifth question, there came a deathly rattle from the man’s chest: his eyes rolled back and closed, and he spoke no more. His lips gently parted as the fat worm crawled out of them, then shrivelled and curled up dead in the cold, despite the heatless flames.

Clarence kicked the body.

They crossed the black stone bridge, the wind howling around them. On the other side, a snow swept gravel road climbs the mountainside, travelling north form Tsolenka Pass. It is cold, bitterly cold as the mountain wind is channelled through the chasm.

Eventually, the road fades away under a covering of snow but the Bullingdon Boys didn’t need the road to navigate: Clarence was being drawn, like filings to a lodestone, by the bronze hand.

Finally, they saw the Amber Temple.


How To Make Friends And Influence People

Carved into the sheer mountainside ahead, fifty feet high, with six alcoves each containing a statue four times the height of a man. Each statue carved from a single block of amber, each depicting the same faceless hooded figure, hands pressed together in a gesture of prayer. Between the innermost statues a staircase led down below an archway.

Dickie blew a frigid breath. “Well, this might be the worst place we’ve seen so far.”

“I can hear something,” Clarence muttered to himself, “the ocean, or… gurgling water…” On the very edge of his hearing came the maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes; his comrades heard nothing.

Cornelius dragged his gaze away from the façade and noticed a crack in the mountainside. “Look over there, Dickie! A natural fissure, and why, it looks just big enough for a man to squeeze through.”

Glumly, Dickie noted the feature, pre-empting Cornelius’ next suggestion. He reluctantly approached. A cold breath exhaled from within, colder than the mountain air outside, and carrying the faint smell of woodsmoke.

 Clarence suggested that this may be an opportunity to be the ambushers rather than the ambushes, and Dickie reluctantly started edging through the crevasse, followed by Paris, then Clarence, then Cornelius. Paris wiggled his wand and bobbing light appeared above each of their head to illuminate their way but Clarence hissed at him to cease so they could preserve the element of surprise.

Dickie shuffled through the gap, blinded now Paris’ light was gone. After no more than a few yards, the floor fell away before him in a small step and as he lost his balance and fell forward he was caught: two pairs of strong hands, one either side, grabbed him by the arms and hauled him into darkness.

“Shit, something’s got me!”  Dickie shouted, and from behind him Paris one again summoned his dancing lights. Two feet ahead the fissure opened into a large stone room, where wild looking men in caked in grey mud held weapons of stone ready; two were hauling Dickie into one corner of the room, and three more were reaching toward Paris. A fourth was dressed more colourfully than the rest, decorated in feather and bone and wielding a stone-tipped spear; beside him, a huge beast more wolf than dog crouched in a silent snarl.

Paris had seen the like of these before, peacefully negotiating a passing in the night while the Bullingdon Boys camped above Tser Falls. Dickie, from his information foraging in Vallaki, knew them from rumour as Tergs- untamed mountain folk.
Paris raised his hands. “Friends- we have met before! We mean no harm to you, release our friend and we’ll be on our way!” The feathered shaman shouted something back, gesticulating with his spear, and Paris felt suddenly weak. As he sagged, mud-caked hands closed on him and pulled him down, two barbarians dragging him over to the eastern wall where they held Dickie.

Clarence stepped forward as the two companions ahead of him were pulled away across the room ahead of him. He raised his hands and black tentacles slithered out of the floor, swarming around the shaman, the hound and the remaining barbarian; the wolf-dog slipped out of their grasp, scuttling away to the other side of the room, but the other two were wrapped tight by slimy limbs that began to constrict. Clarence stepped back in the fissure, happy with his work.

Dickie struggled against his captors- his dagger found its way into his hand and slashed at either side but the Tergs kept him at arms length, pushing him into the corner with the hafts of their crude weapons.

Cornelius squeezed past his younger brother but stopped short of entering the chamber. He was separated from Dickie and Paris by a wall of black tentacles, writhing, grasping, crushing. He paused for a moment, considering his options- there were two doors to the room beyond the tentacles, and this was not the only way in to the temple, and Paris and Dickie needed his help.

He pushed back past Clarence, swiftly wiggling his way out of the crevasse to the mountainside, and sprinted around past the amber statues to the entrance to the temple.

Paris, held between two burly mud-coated tergs, raised his hands as best he could. “Now look here- why don’t you let me go? I’m no threat.” Magic laced his words, and the demeanour of three of the four holding him and Dickie shifted from aggressive to friendly- they released their holds, smiling jovially at Paris while the fourth gaped at them in confusion.

“Ah, now you recognise me! Why don’t you get your companions to lay off my pals, and we’ll all go and gave a drink?”

They friendly Tergs nodded, smiling, but the wolf-dog barrelled past them and lunged at Paris, knocking him from his feet. Paris screamed but one of his new friends pulled the hound off by the scruff of its neck, chastising it as it came away with a chunk of Paris’ shoulder.

The fourth barbarian barked something in their strange language but his charmed comrades weren’t interested in what he had to say. He moved away from them, putting his back to one of the amber doors that lead from the room, then with one last desperate look to where the shaman was being crushed by black tentacles, he threw the door open and fled.

The door slammed shut behind him as two of Paris’ new friends secured them in a panic. The fleeing Terg sped out into the unlit temple, feet pattering over the cold marble floor, and ran into something hard that threw him back. Cornelius grinned as he stood over him, his hands closed into fists.

The tentacles writhed and constricted around their two captives, shaman and warrior. From the fissure, Clarence called out “Give back my friends and you will not be harmed further!” The shaman let out a pitiful moan, but the barbarian warrior roared, heaving forward, tearing tentacles at the stem and lunging up into the crevasse. Clarence stumbled back as the savage figure advanced on him, fumbling in his robes for the Grimoire of the Four Quarters.

A stone axe flashed, smashing into Clarence’s midrift, then down on his shoulder, and Clarence crawled backwards muttering esoterically. There was a stink of brimstone as Clarence invoked the works of the diabolist Devostas, and the barbarian assailing him was suddenly faced with a huge, black-furred, red-eyed, monsterously clawed hound, smoke billowing from its nostrils.

One of the friendly Tergs was able to communicate to Paris that the black tentacles eating its shaman were somewhat of a concern to him and his companions, and while they found Paris very charming they would much prefer for this not to be the state of affairs: as he concluded this explination through hand gesture and sympathetic sounds, thus overcoming the language barrier, there was a sickening crunch and the shaman was completely consumed by Clarence’s conjuration. The diplomatic Terg stopped, sharing a sorrowful look of disappointment with Paris, while Dickie stood by nervously, hoping for the peace to hold but ready to strike if things turned.

Fire bellowed into the room from the fissure, and a flailing, flaming figure flew out from the gap into the tentacles where it was smothered and crushed. Clarence’s hell hound came charging through in chase, turning its baleful gaze onto the now peaceful congregation within the room, but it too was caught by the black tentacles; Clarence’s cackles were lost under the bellows of anguish from the daemonic beast as it was slowly constricted.

A voice bellowed from beyond the door through which the un-charmed Terg had escaped. “Open these doors! I am Cornelius Bullingdon and I will not let primitives like you stand in my way!”

The two warriors holding the door closed were reluctant to acquiest, but did so at Paris’ bidding. They slammed the doors shut being Cornelius as he strode in triumphant, throwing down the body of the last of the Terg warriors, its head twisted at a horrible angle.

11 Sept 2017

Session 22 – The Ruins of Berez

5th Day of the 4th Quarter of the Moon of Songs, Season of Wines, Year 766.

Days in Barovia: 8. The moon waxes gibbous.


Bring the House Down

The windmill hags were dead: Daughter crushed by black tentacles, Aunty smashed by a boulder, and Nanny’s throat slit by Dickie’s hand. But the creeping hut remained: the huge animated tree stump, stood up on massive roots, carrying the house of Baba Lysaga. It’s root-legs lifted it higher than three men atop each other’s shoulders, and twenty feet or more of empty space lay between its “feet”.

Although it had been blasted with eldritch power, singed with holy fire and engulfed by a fireball, the construct did not seem to have been particularly damaged- but it had, apparently, been made angry.

Paris groggily regained consciousness and Clarence retreated, having administered a healing potion. As he found his feet, he saw the Golden Bully Sword still floated patiently next to Cornelius and Dickie, on whom the creeping hut was bearing down. At a gesture the Golden Sword flashed towards the hut, and began battering at the structure on the stump. “Haha!” Paris wheezed, “Still alive!” striking the house with a smidgen of unintentional psychic energy. 

As the hut bore down on them, Dickie and Cornelius darted towards separate root legs, both of them nimbly managing to mount the limbs, climbing up towards the hut on thes stump itself. Dickie used to the upswing of the leg’s step to propel himself further forward, but Cornelius, not to be outdone by his servant, surged up the root athletically, reaching the door of the ramshackle structure before his manservant.

Within the wooden hut he saw a collection of equally ramshackle furniture- a stool, a wardrobe, a cot, a chest, a blood-stained iron tub- all bolted to the floor, for obvious reasons. Green light came seeping through the cracked, rotten floorboards in the middle of the room, and bound to one wall by rusted irons was a bloody wreck of a man, naked and apparently tortured.

The walking stump, seemingly aware that some insects were skittering around inside of it, came to a stop and then vigorously shook itself. Cornelius braced himself inside the doorframe as the hut wheeled, tilting wildy, but as Dickie approached the base of the stump he was flung, tumbling, into the mire below.

An awfully loud ringing crash clamoured around one of the legs hut- the terrible noise seeming to screech “Mighty wizard, Paris Digby!” as Paris mouthed the words sixty feet away. Concussive energy rippled through the mud at the foot of the root but only a few patches of bark fell from the organ itself. 

Clarence, meanwhile, continued to launch arcane energy at the hut from afar, moving to keep as much distance in between him and the structure, hoping that it wouldn’t hurl any rocks or logs or anything to crush him.

In the mud, the creeping hut towering above him, Dickie climbed to his feet, fruitlessly brushed off the muck… And made a tactical retreat, running back towards Clarence and Paris, steering clear of the root-legs.

Cornelius ducked as the Golden Bully Sword came stabbing through the roof of the hut. Cursing Paris’ name, he dropped to his knees in the middle of the room, suspecting that Baba Lysaga’s hut, much like her floating skull, was empowered by a magic gem. His fingers skidded around the floorboards, unable to find the purchase they needed to reveal the source of the green glow.

“Dickie!” he shouted, “Dickie, get in here with the crowbar!”

The hut continued to rumble forwards, a front root stabbing down at Dickie and a back one flailing at the manservant as it passed over him, but Dickie managed to avoid both blows. A third root heaved a half-rotten log out of the muck and swung in Clarence’s direction, the younger Bullingdon flung forward his hand and spoke a word of power: the root faltered, skidding the log it held along the ground, breaking it into splinters so that the missile it threw at Clarence was nothing more substantial than broken sticks.

Paris closed his eyes, wishing really hard that the hut would stop being magical. Sometimes, when he did things like this, magical things sort of happened, but as the foppish wizard opened his eyes he saw that, no, the creeping hut was still there, charging towards him. He sighed, and the Golden Bully Sword swung but Paris’ heart wasn’t in it and it failed to connect.

As the hut moved over Dickie he heard his master’s voice calling for him to bring the crowbar. The manservant once again attempted to scale the living construct, and shortly Cornelius was greeted by Dickie diving through a window of the hut atop the stump, crowbar in hand.

“Aha, Dickie, I knew you’d pull through,” Cornelius said, then, pointing at the floorboards, “Now get to work.” Cornelius explained that he had studied architecture academically, and began instructing Dickie- as if the thief-come-manservant needed to be told- the right way to pry the boards loose. The hut lurched to one side; then, violently lurched to the other, and both men were thrown across the wooden room, rattling off the bolted-down furniture as they were thrown about. The prisoner in chains moaned in agony as the hut tried to shake out the invaders like a dog shaking off fleas.

Bruised and bloody, Dickie pulled himself to his feet. The bar stabbed down between two rotten floorboards, and with a violent motion he ripped the planks apart. In the space underneath, buried in the wood of the stump itself, was a glowing green emerald cut into the shape of an acorn- a twin to that recovered from Argynvost’s skull.

“Grab on to something,” Dickie cried, reaching down and plucking the emerald from the stump… And the creeping hut froze, inanimate, as he and Cornelius braced themselves against furniture. “Oh,” said Dickie, “I really thought it was going to fall.”

“Has it worked?” Cornelius asked, reluctant to release his grip on the chair he hung on to. “Excellent. You see Dickie, what we can achieve when we work together?”

“Just as you say, milord.”


To The Victor Go The Spoils

The creeping hut now stood statuesque, an enormous stump suspended on its roots above the ground, crowned with the ramshackle house of the ancient hag. Paris began climbing a root to join his comrades, while Clarence investigated the corpses of the hags, dismissing the patch of writhing black tentacles he had summoned.

The Daughter had been crushed to something unidentifiable. Aunty’s bloated corpse, jutted through with black iron spikes, unnaturaly twisted and broken by the hut’s assault, held nothing of value; but Nanny had a staff, which she had flown on to escape the tentacles, and which now lay just out of reach of her dead hand.

Clarence picked it up. Paris paused as a yelp of surprise came from his pupil below, and looking back he saw the younger Bullingdon brother appearing to hit himself in the face with the staff. As his small commotion drew Cornelius and Dickie to observe from the hut, Clarence released the staff which had struck him unbidden when he picked it up. It fell to the ground inanimate. Clarence paused. “Blasted hags. Hmm.” He summoned a spectral hand which poked and prodded at the staff, to no response, but couldn’t lift the item. Loathe to leave anything magical, Clarence hunkered down, approaching the stick on the ground as a lion stalking prey. He leapt forward, trying to wrap both of his hands around it but as he did, the staff zipped backwards, out of his grasp; then forwards, hard, striking Clarence between the eyes as he stumbled on slick ground.

Clarence stepped back, away from the staff, flinging his hands forward. Shimmering eldritch energy lashed out, sending the staff spinning end over end, cracking the stick in two, which Clarence stood over and blasted into splinters.

“My brother,” Cornelius said to Dickie with a sigh as they watched this from atop the stump, “such a strange and lonely boy. Ah well. Time to ransack this place!”

“Hold on,” Paris wheezed, dragging himself through the door having finally ascended the root, “Who’s that fellow?” He gestured to the wall where the prisoner hung chained.

“Oh. Hello there! I’m Cornelis Pffefil Bullingdon the Third, Marquis of Saxonia, conqueror of the mighty Strahd, slayer of witches and wolves, great saviour of the Morninglord, mighty prophet, and shining beacon of the future of Barovia. Who might you be?”

The man did not appear to be conscious. He was a wreck: bound to one wall by rusted irons, emaciated and bloody, fresh tortures lying over old wounds. His ears, nose and lips had all been cut off, blunt scar tissue growing around those orifices. He was naked, and his pale torso and limbs marred by cuts and insect bites. His head lolled forward as he sagged against his bonds.

“Hang on, I’m sure I can wake him up with one of my famous tinctures,” said Paris, rummaging through his pockets. He found the unguent he was after and spread it over some of the worse cuts. Miraculously, considering, the man roused and murmured through butchered lips.

“Anslem? Is that you, Anslem?”

“I’m not saying all that again,” said Cornelius, “Dickie, you can introduce us.”

“No, no,” Paris replied to the man, “It is I, your saviour. Paris Digby and my mighty companions.”

One eye was swollen shut but the other cracked open, the bloodshot orb staring at Paris full of confusion. “Who are you?”

“We are the Bullingdon Boys, saviours of Barovia and soon to be killers of Strahd Von Zarovich.”

“You know, I just said all those things,” Cornelius said with a pout, “and you would’ve heard if you’d bothered to listen.”

“Please help me,” the man slurred, and between them Paris and Dickie were able to release the iron bonds.

“Selected highlights for you, sir: we are the Bullingdon Boys, foes of Strahd von Zarovich, slayers of witches, wolves and general wrongdoers, saviours of Barovia, ordained prophets of the Morninglord and licensed charity in Barovia.”

Paris frowned as Dickie said this last. “Licensed charity?”

“We need that tax exempt status,” Cornelius explained.

Then man seemed overwhelmed by all of this, although at the mention of witches he flinched and murmured “You must be quick, she will return soon!”

The three spoke over each other exuberantly to explain that he need not fear, the witch was dead- all of the witches were dead. A slightly battered Clarence joined them at the top of the stump, as the man sat with his back against the wall, overwhelmed by his new freedom.

Kindly, Dickie asked “How about we get you out of this horrible hut, sir-“

“And move you into a fabulous Golden Bully Hut!” Paris interrupted. The man nodded weakly to Dickie, and Cornelius picked up the bony figure like a child. He and Paris left the witch’s hut to find some dry land on which to raise the Golden Bully Hut. Dickie and Clarence stayed to see if there was anything of value to be found- hopefully less ill-tempered than Nanny’s staff.

Dickie was drawn to the chest, and finding it unlocked and free of traps, he threw it open- to be set upon by three severed hands, scrabbling and clawing and scratching at him. One came to its end upon the toe of his boot, as he smashed it back into the chest- “Shit buggering fuck!”- and the other pair Clarence sniped off of Dickie’s person with precisely aimed magical blasts. “I’ve had far too many encounters with magical nonsense today,” Dickie muttered.

“But you got to fly, didn’t you?” said Clarence cheerily.

“That was fun at the time, but not initially pleasant.”

“I wish that I could fly. I’ve always dreamed of it, since I was a young boy.” Clarence’s voice was whistful.

“That’s nice, Clarence. Humanizes you. There’d better be something good in this box…”

The chest was full of treasures. Bags of coins and precious gems worth thousands of gold; a signet ring, with the sigil of a hawk in flight, that Dickie took for himself; a vial of oil, familiar to Dickie, used to magically sharpen weapons; a small wooden box marked with arcane runes, containing a pot of iridescent paint and a brush- the paint seemed to shift hue as Dickie looked at it, and he couldn’t place a colour to it; and a haversack. Dickie reached into one pocket, finding something pole-like, which he then pulled… and pulled… and pulled, until a solid ten foot pole had been drawn from the bag’s much smaller interior. Impressed with this haul, Dickie almost missed the ring on one of the hands that had attacked him- holding a beautifully carved ram’s head.

At the far end of the village the ruined mansion stood on a raised plot of land. Here, in the shadow of that building, Paris raised the Golden Bully Hut. They ate some food with the maimed man, whose name they learnt was Kasimir Ulrich, but did not question him thoroughly- they were all in need of rest. Without much ceremony they settled in for the night.


Tears of Morning

The Bullingdon Boys did not set a watch- Paris assuring everyone that tonight’s Bully Hut had much better security than the previous nights- and maybe he was right, for morning came without incident. Kasimir Ulrich was still with them.

The sun rose, lightening the continually overcast skies, and for the first morning in Barovia they were not beset by preternatural fog. A little mist rose from the swampy ground but the beacon of Argynvost evidently still shone.

“You know, I vaguely recall there was a reason we came all the way out here, and it wasn’t to kill witches.” Cornelius began his morning stretches.

“There was something about finding an ancient man, maimed of visage,” Dickie recalled from the fortune telling, that seemed so long ago now. He pointed to Kasimir, with ears, nose and lips butchered. “I think we have a likely candidate here.”

“Is he ancient?” Paris pondered, as the stranger roused from sleep.

“He’s definitely maimed,” said Cornelius. “You there, man! Are you ancient?”

He looked at Cornelius, rubbing his eyes. He shook his head, as he took in his surrounding, and lisped “I must be dreaming.”

“I can assure you this is no dream- dreamy as we Bullingdon Boys may be.” Cornelius winked. The man began to laugh, and laughed harder when they explained how they were adventurers, following a fortune read by the Vistani, on a mission to defeat Strahd. It took them some time to get sense out of him, but eventually the reason for his incredulous humour became clear. Kasimir Ulrich had been helping a band of adventurers come to oppose Strahd, led by a charismatic nobleman, calling themselves the- he had to pull himself together from gales of laughter- the “Spency Squad”.

The maimed man explained that months- maybe years- ago, the Spency Squad had come upon him in the ruins of Berez and sought his assistance in opposing Strahd.

“For I am an enemy of Strahd,” lifting his arms to display himself, to show what wonders that opposition had gained him. “I was the mayor of Berez. My daughter, Marina, was… chosen, as a bride for Strahd. He seduced her in the dead of night and feasted on her blood, and he would have taken her to the castle to be his unholy bride- had not we put a stop to things.”

“What happened?” Clarence asked.

“We killed her. Strahd was wroth, made the river swell, turned the town into a swamp. Those who did not die fled, but not me, for he cursed me to remain here- cut off my nose, my lips, my ears, made sure I would bear no more children. Cursed me so I would only die by his hand, so I could not leave here, so I spent decades here, lurking in the ruins, eating rats and snakes in the mud like a beast, unable to even kill myself. But then, I encountered them- Anslem Thruppington-Spence, and the Spency Squad.”

Kasimir went on to tell how they had stolen something important to Strahd, right out from the castle, and brought it to him; he hid it, secreted the treasure away where even they didn’t know, so that Strahd would never find it. But then the witch came.

Baba Lysaga destroyed the Spency Squad, sent Anslem to the castle in chains and kept Kasimir as a plaything to torture at her leisure.

Kasimir led the Bullingdon Boys to where he had hidden the treasure, while Cornelius, bored by the man’s long lisping exposition, started his morning exercise routine. The other three were led down from their camp and past the ruined church- where Kasimir, seeing the decayed corpse of a woman in full plate armour, crushed to death by what could easily be imagined as the giant root of a walking hut. “Poor Tamith,” he said, “she was Anslem’s true right hand.” He paused for a quiet moment, then led on.

Behind the church stood a raised plot of land, barely ten feet across. In the centre of this plot stood a life-sized stone monument, carved in the likeness of a kneeling peasant girl clutching a rose to her breast. Carved in the base of the statue was an epitaph- “Marina, may her murderers never know peace”. Despite the weathering of the stone features, the girl on the statue held a striking resemblance to one of their old companions.

“She, she looks like-“

“Just like Ireena, yes,” Dickie finished for Paris. “I wonder how many times this cycle has gone around?”

“In any case it is broken now,” Clarence said, and turning to Kasimir: “Your daughter’s spirit is at peace, old man.”

“She died a long time ago,” Kasimir said with some confusion. “What you want is buried here, before the statue.”

Paris and Clarence looked at each other. “Dickie?” they said simultaneously.

Dickie sighed, and set to work. The soft earth parted easily and soon enough the shovel clunked against something solid- a wooden chest, which he recovered. Inside, in a tightly wrapped oilskin to protect it from the damp, was a book. It was bound in a thick leather cover with steel hinges and fastenings and the pages were of brittle parchment.

Within, vast tracks were ineligible with stains and age, and much of the readable text was written in some cryptic shorthand. But there were paragraphs and whole passages intact and readable, passages that told them this book, this tome, was something like a diary- penned by Strahd himself.

“They told me he was furious when they stole it from him,” Kasimir said, as Clarence pawed through the tome excitedly. “It did them no good, but…”

“Do you know what they were trying to do when they stole it from him?” Paris asked.

“Um… They were trying to defeat Strahd? That is what you’re trying to do, isn’t it?”

“But why steal this book?”

“It has his secrets- there’s something in there about the castle, I don’t know.”

“But how will knowing more about Strahd help us kill him?”

“Knowledge is power,” Clarence intoned gravely; Dickie agreed. “I thank you for this gift, elder. Be assured that Strahd’s undeath shall not last much longer.”

Paris recalled the potion he had, taken from the body of Baba Lysaga. Tears of Morning, it was called, and it would remove a curse from a creature- at the price of a few years of that creature’s life. He offered this to Kasimir, who did not expect it to have any effect but was willing to try it.

Kasimir unstoppered the vial Paris gave him, downing the silver-flecked liquid in a single gulp. The Bullingdon Boys didn’t know how long Strahd’s curse had kept the maimed man alive in Berez: as the potion took effect, it appeared to be centuries as Kasimir gasped, shuddering, moaning “Thank you” as he rapidly aged, his already emaciated form shrivelling, withering away as he curled in on himself, hair and nails pushing out rapidly as his face collapsed into a wizened hollow, as decades, centuries maybe of aging occurred in the space of moments, until what remained of Kasimir Ulrich was left a small, grey, curled up corpse.

Paris screamed.

“I fucking killed him!”

“What were you expecting?” Dickie asked, nonplussed by the strange transformation. “He said that he was cursed not to die; what he wanted was to die; you lifted his curse, and he died.”

“I don’t know!”

“He’s not suffering any more, if that makes you feel better.”

“It wasn’t what I was expecting! And now he can’t tell anyone I lifted his curse.”

“Well, we know you lifted his curse, Paris. You broke the magic- good job. You want some eggs?”

So the Bullingdon Boys returned to their makeshift camp for breakfast, where Cornelius was still doing push ups, and Dickie produced a breakfast of eggs and goat. When their breakfast was done, they would leave the road, and head south into the mountains, where the Amber Temple awaited.